Dating is hard, but it’s not impossible. Anything worth having is worth working for. Quitting is for quitters. One thing I don’t do well with is self pity. I know it’s common in the depression stage of grief, but I still haven’t made a habit of accepting it from people. I don’t like how people get stuck there. Pity and sympathy are like a warm blanket for those who find the world to be a bit too cold. They nurture in us the acceptance and expectation of weakness if given too freely. More time is wasted here than in any other stage of grief in my opinion.
I’m more like to say to someone “quit complaining about the shit you control, and make a change” than I am to say there there poor baby. While dating is one of things easier said than done, we must not lose hope of the fact that it can be done.
Damn it, a bad date ain’t the worst thing in the world. Neither is rejection. What is pretty hard though is making the wrong decisions consistently and then expecting contentment to come from quitting and not overcoming.
I often encounter women who say they are done dating. That its too hard. I ask them how many dates they been on this year. They be like 3....5. They ain’t even been in no dates. They ain’t did the work. Or often times women who’ve admittedly made terrible decisions, choosing men who they knew weren’t capable of loving them, or men they hoped to change over and over in their life say I give up.
Could you imagine if business adopted that same quitting mentality. If they shut the doors and closed the business down because they encountered a few bad employees. Or just as bad they’d stayed open barely functioning.
We’d all go to the grocery store and it would hardly be shit on the shelf. No fresh produce. Meat or bread. Just Tofu and stove top stuffing in the whole store. There’d be no employees to help. You would struggle to finding anything not expired in the whole store.
We’d get to the line and one lane would be open. You would ask the only cashier in the store what hell is going on. He’d be like.
They haven’t posted any jobs this year. We had an employee quit, the rest got fired a few years ago. They interviewed 3 people and gave up. They said Finding good employees was too hard.....
Some of y’all are like this grocery store. Your life is missing all kinds of necessities. Physical mental and spiritual. You got one employee (maintenance man) and he stealing snit out the store. He don’t come to work except for payday and he should have been fired years ago. You just always hired the coolest funnest candidates with no skills, work ethic, or job qualifications. Now you business is failing and you’re ready to quit.
I can’t tell you how many times a day I look at my comment section I see the words i’m done or I’m staying single, or I’ve been abstinent 4 years I’m staying that way cuz men are too hard. Or I haven’t dated in years and I’m happy. Really? Let me tell something. If you quit relationships and seeking a connection a years ago but you still watch the relationship genre on youtube on a regular basis, describing your experience as happy may be a stretch. ...Defeat and contentment are two very different things.
We often try to present our defeat as contentment so others don’t pity us. We try to convince ourselves that we are content because that’s easier and less scary than rejection or another failed relationship. I understand that, however far too many of my clients over 50 have tried that and failed as well. Around 30 or 40 they gave up. Some even in their 20’s. What they often realize is the disappointment you feel from squandering the most precious resource of all...time, is as bad or sometimes even worse than a few failed relationships. They come to an understanding that life is about seizing every opportunity and making the most out our time time here.
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